1. I don’t need to be saved.
Maybe it’s our media or this archaic notion that a woman, in all her womanness, is worthless and in need of redemption by a dude. I allowed myself to believe that I was incomplete without “him.” As if there was some man walking around with the other half of me in his pocket and it was my destiny to seek him out and retrieve it. These days, I’m aware of my wholeness and welcome a partner to grow with, but my redemption and sense of completion are just fine, thank you.
2. I can defend myself.
For so long, I bought into the notion that I needed a guy around to keep me safe from whatever boogeyman was lurking behind all of the corners in life. If you watch enough TV, you’ll start to believe that life is a pretty big game of cat and mouse for ladies, with women being the proverbial mice. It would seem that there’s always something out to get us: rapists, cat callers, haters, trans fat. It’s a wonder women make it home safely at all! While there are real threats to women out there, living in fear of them doesn’t make for much of an existence. And knowing that you can throw a solid punch does make walking down the street at night a little less stressful. Do I go around putting myself in sketchy situations because I punch people in the face for a hobby? No. But do I walk with my head held high regardless of where I am? Yes. There were things I wouldn’t dream of doing before I started training like traveling abroad or going out alone. But now that I know I can take care of myself and trust that I have sound judgment, there are few things I won’t do solo.
3. I don’t need to see you everyday
In the past, I was clingy and insecure. If my boyfriend at the time had a hobby, I would clamor to be a part of it because if he wasn’t with me, he was surely with someone else. I never understood the need to have your own thing, separate from you significant other, until I started training. Depending on what’s going on in the competition world, I can be in training up to six days a week, which doesn’t leave much room for quality time with bae. I’ve had requests to hang out after training, but for real, after working all day and training for two hours, all I really want to do is eat and go to sleep. I’ve been told I “act like a guy” because no, you can’t come over on training days and if I don’t see you everyday, it’s ok. It does, however, make the time I am able to spend with that special someone so much more valuable because it doesn’t happen on a daily basis. And yes, I do miss you, because I have a life that creates an opportunity for me to miss you.
4. I can be friends with guys
There’s this myth that women and men can’t be platonic friends. Apparently, every man in your life that is unrelated to you has either thought of or will think of sleeping with you. And this is pervading thought in their heads during every interaction you have. Since I’m not a guy, I can’t actually say whether this is true or false. But speaking for myself, after being on several teams with men, it’s totally possible to be JUST FRIENDS with guys. When you spend as much time together as you do on a fight team, you do develop strong bonds with your teammates. I’ve rubbed Tiger Balm over my teammates’ bodies, helped them stretch out, been their punching bag, massaged shoulders before ring call, you name it. At no point was it about anything other than helping that person secure the win. Each member of the team is family and I don’t even think about them in any other way.
5. It’s ok to be myself
My mother wanted a girly girl. She would don me in frilly dresses as a toddler, enrolled me in ballet classes, and insisted I learn how to play the piano. Instead, I got dirty, proved to be too uncoordinated for ballet, and played guitar instead. I always felt like I let my mom down, like if I could just be a “girl” she would be proud of me. Truth be told, she is proud of me regardless of what I do (all the while praying I give up fighting) and that she’s happy as long as I am. At the end of the day, I can say that I am ok and happy with who I am. Practicing a martial art helped me figure that out. I’m ultra feminine sometimes: I like to wear high heels and get made up on occasion, I cry during sappy movies, I get gooey over puppies, and I can be super sensitive. But I also have a crass sense of humor, enjoy watching UFC with pizza and hot wings, and say the F word (a lot). After all, Martial Arts are all about balance. It seems only fitting that I marry stereotypically masculine and feminine attributes into the enigma that is, well, me. I don't need to put on a front in hopes that some guy will call me back or pretend to be someone I'm not for the sake of a second date. I'm terribly flawed and stubborn to boot, but being myself is the best thing I can do for both of us. If you can dig it, then it's going to be quite a ride. If not, please collect all of your belongings before exiting the platform...
Maybe it’s our media or this archaic notion that a woman, in all her womanness, is worthless and in need of redemption by a dude. I allowed myself to believe that I was incomplete without “him.” As if there was some man walking around with the other half of me in his pocket and it was my destiny to seek him out and retrieve it. These days, I’m aware of my wholeness and welcome a partner to grow with, but my redemption and sense of completion are just fine, thank you.
2. I can defend myself.
For so long, I bought into the notion that I needed a guy around to keep me safe from whatever boogeyman was lurking behind all of the corners in life. If you watch enough TV, you’ll start to believe that life is a pretty big game of cat and mouse for ladies, with women being the proverbial mice. It would seem that there’s always something out to get us: rapists, cat callers, haters, trans fat. It’s a wonder women make it home safely at all! While there are real threats to women out there, living in fear of them doesn’t make for much of an existence. And knowing that you can throw a solid punch does make walking down the street at night a little less stressful. Do I go around putting myself in sketchy situations because I punch people in the face for a hobby? No. But do I walk with my head held high regardless of where I am? Yes. There were things I wouldn’t dream of doing before I started training like traveling abroad or going out alone. But now that I know I can take care of myself and trust that I have sound judgment, there are few things I won’t do solo.
3. I don’t need to see you everyday
In the past, I was clingy and insecure. If my boyfriend at the time had a hobby, I would clamor to be a part of it because if he wasn’t with me, he was surely with someone else. I never understood the need to have your own thing, separate from you significant other, until I started training. Depending on what’s going on in the competition world, I can be in training up to six days a week, which doesn’t leave much room for quality time with bae. I’ve had requests to hang out after training, but for real, after working all day and training for two hours, all I really want to do is eat and go to sleep. I’ve been told I “act like a guy” because no, you can’t come over on training days and if I don’t see you everyday, it’s ok. It does, however, make the time I am able to spend with that special someone so much more valuable because it doesn’t happen on a daily basis. And yes, I do miss you, because I have a life that creates an opportunity for me to miss you.
4. I can be friends with guys
There’s this myth that women and men can’t be platonic friends. Apparently, every man in your life that is unrelated to you has either thought of or will think of sleeping with you. And this is pervading thought in their heads during every interaction you have. Since I’m not a guy, I can’t actually say whether this is true or false. But speaking for myself, after being on several teams with men, it’s totally possible to be JUST FRIENDS with guys. When you spend as much time together as you do on a fight team, you do develop strong bonds with your teammates. I’ve rubbed Tiger Balm over my teammates’ bodies, helped them stretch out, been their punching bag, massaged shoulders before ring call, you name it. At no point was it about anything other than helping that person secure the win. Each member of the team is family and I don’t even think about them in any other way.
5. It’s ok to be myself
My mother wanted a girly girl. She would don me in frilly dresses as a toddler, enrolled me in ballet classes, and insisted I learn how to play the piano. Instead, I got dirty, proved to be too uncoordinated for ballet, and played guitar instead. I always felt like I let my mom down, like if I could just be a “girl” she would be proud of me. Truth be told, she is proud of me regardless of what I do (all the while praying I give up fighting) and that she’s happy as long as I am. At the end of the day, I can say that I am ok and happy with who I am. Practicing a martial art helped me figure that out. I’m ultra feminine sometimes: I like to wear high heels and get made up on occasion, I cry during sappy movies, I get gooey over puppies, and I can be super sensitive. But I also have a crass sense of humor, enjoy watching UFC with pizza and hot wings, and say the F word (a lot). After all, Martial Arts are all about balance. It seems only fitting that I marry stereotypically masculine and feminine attributes into the enigma that is, well, me. I don't need to put on a front in hopes that some guy will call me back or pretend to be someone I'm not for the sake of a second date. I'm terribly flawed and stubborn to boot, but being myself is the best thing I can do for both of us. If you can dig it, then it's going to be quite a ride. If not, please collect all of your belongings before exiting the platform...