Kids can be mean. I still hear the prepubescent voices of my middle school peers calling me “fat jungle fever girl.” Just seeing it on the computer screen makes my stomach turn. Present day kids have their own painful insults to hurl, but now they have Instagram, SnapChat, Facebook, and Twitter to keep reminding others of how undesirable someone thinks they are. Where you could once escape the putdowns of others with a bus ride home, kids today are in constant communication with their peers, even those they don’t particularly like. A 2013 study found that 20% of young people experienced extreme cyberbullying on a daily basis. Every day, some kids can expect to scroll through the notifications on their phones only to find that someone has decided to make them the target of online bullying. These incidents often bleed between school and home. I’ve had students come up to me in the two months we’ve been in school this year to talk about another student spreading rumors about them on Instagram and texting screenshots of their conversations to their “enemies.” The drama is incessant and it has real consequences. “According to the American Association of Suicidology, rates for suicide among 10 to 14 year olds has grown 50% over the last three decades.” The Jason Foundation provides some startling statistics about tween and teen suicide:
o Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24. (2013 CDC WISQARS)
o Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for college-age youth and ages 12-18. (2013 CDC WISQARS)
o More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, COMBINED.
o Each day in our nation there are an average of over 5,400 attempts by young people grades 7-12.
Combating bullying has become a nationwide hot topic with schools all over the country undergoing their own anti-bullying initiatives. There has even been research to suggest that anti-bullying programs can even make bullying worse because the programs do not address the complicated issue of school climate. It’s easy to say “Don’t bully others” but, from what I’ve noticed, kids don’t see themselves as bullies, even when they are actively engaging in all of the behaviors that we teach them are bullying behaviors. I’ve approached students and given them multiple examples of their actions that are clearly defined as bullying, and the responses are typically along the lines of, “I’m not bullying anyone. I just don’t like her.” They don’t see their behavior as unacceptable nor do they equate their actions with bullying because they have heard the term so much, it’s essentially meaningless.
To combat this issue and meanness as a whole, I’m working on my classroom culture. Students are not allowed to chastise each other, they are not allowed to be rude or snarky, nor or they permitted to call each other names or roll their eyes at each other. This doesn’t happen over night. It takes constant modeling, praising students who are responding to others appropriately, and repeatedly holding students accountable when they are not being kind. It has become more and more challenging as our media promotes catty and argumentative behavior and people become instant Internet stars for posting videos of their neighborhood fights on YouTube. Nevertheless, I try.
We just finished reviewing theme in my Language Arts class. When the students came in, they were instructed to watch a video and identify the theme. They were also required to provide evidence from the film that justifies the theme they came up with. After some discussion about the theme and the video, how they felt about it, and what it meant to them, I placed a chart on the board that had every student’s name on it and gave everyone three sticky notes. Students were given the following instructions:
Of course there were typical questions from middle schoolers:
“Can I write something about myself?” No.
“Can they all be to the same person?” No.
“Can I not participate?” No.
For about five minutes, there is some quiet chatting, but no movement. Then, one brave soul ventures to the board and places the first sticky. Then a second. Then a third. And all of the sudden there is a mass exodus to the board. Kids are laughing, asking me for more sticky notes, rushing to be the first person to fill someone’s space. It was amazing. After a few minutes, I tell them to get all of the stickies from their names and return to their seats. After allowing them to read their notes, I asked them how it felt to know that their classmates thought such kind things about them.
“It made me feel special, like people in here actual listen to me and care about me.”
“At first it was like weird but then it was like nice because I didn’t know people thought about me at all.”
“I feel all the feels! Like you guys actually like me!”
“I don’t always feel very special but this made me feel like I am.”
Some students took a moment to say kind things to me, too.
“You’re a great teacher.”
“You’re my favorite.”
“I used to hate Language Arts but you make it fun.”
“I like your personality.”
I laminated my stickies. One girl made hers into a crown and wore it down the hall. Others taped them to their binders. Some stuck them on their shirts so everyone could see how special they were. A few threw theirs away. But each student left that day knowing that their peers appreciated them on some level. They spent the majority of class that day being kind. And it was fun.
Changing the climate of a school doesn’t happen with one anti-bullying assembly or once a month activities. It requires setting high expectations that are constantly being enforced and reinforced by students and staff. This is hard to do. Teachers are already bogged down with so many things that MUST be done, anti-bullying initiatives become just “one more thing” administration wants us to do. Generally, because they are often not implemented well but simply done as a check in the box, anti-bullying programs exist in isolation and don’t carry lasting effects. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t keep trying or that the present efforts are without their merit. Furthermore, there is a lot to be said for what students are taught at home and the values that our culture perpetuates. Nevertheless, we are trying, each in our own way, to make kindness a mainstay in our schools. For my students, kindness won the first round in this fight.
o Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24. (2013 CDC WISQARS)
o Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for college-age youth and ages 12-18. (2013 CDC WISQARS)
o More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, COMBINED.
o Each day in our nation there are an average of over 5,400 attempts by young people grades 7-12.
Combating bullying has become a nationwide hot topic with schools all over the country undergoing their own anti-bullying initiatives. There has even been research to suggest that anti-bullying programs can even make bullying worse because the programs do not address the complicated issue of school climate. It’s easy to say “Don’t bully others” but, from what I’ve noticed, kids don’t see themselves as bullies, even when they are actively engaging in all of the behaviors that we teach them are bullying behaviors. I’ve approached students and given them multiple examples of their actions that are clearly defined as bullying, and the responses are typically along the lines of, “I’m not bullying anyone. I just don’t like her.” They don’t see their behavior as unacceptable nor do they equate their actions with bullying because they have heard the term so much, it’s essentially meaningless.
To combat this issue and meanness as a whole, I’m working on my classroom culture. Students are not allowed to chastise each other, they are not allowed to be rude or snarky, nor or they permitted to call each other names or roll their eyes at each other. This doesn’t happen over night. It takes constant modeling, praising students who are responding to others appropriately, and repeatedly holding students accountable when they are not being kind. It has become more and more challenging as our media promotes catty and argumentative behavior and people become instant Internet stars for posting videos of their neighborhood fights on YouTube. Nevertheless, I try.
We just finished reviewing theme in my Language Arts class. When the students came in, they were instructed to watch a video and identify the theme. They were also required to provide evidence from the film that justifies the theme they came up with. After some discussion about the theme and the video, how they felt about it, and what it meant to them, I placed a chart on the board that had every student’s name on it and gave everyone three sticky notes. Students were given the following instructions:
- Write something KIND and genuine, not superficial (no “I like your shoes” type comments)
- Place the sticky note on that person’s name
- If you see someone has no sticky notes, be the person that changes that.
- You may have more stickies, you may not have less.
Of course there were typical questions from middle schoolers:
“Can I write something about myself?” No.
“Can they all be to the same person?” No.
“Can I not participate?” No.
For about five minutes, there is some quiet chatting, but no movement. Then, one brave soul ventures to the board and places the first sticky. Then a second. Then a third. And all of the sudden there is a mass exodus to the board. Kids are laughing, asking me for more sticky notes, rushing to be the first person to fill someone’s space. It was amazing. After a few minutes, I tell them to get all of the stickies from their names and return to their seats. After allowing them to read their notes, I asked them how it felt to know that their classmates thought such kind things about them.
“It made me feel special, like people in here actual listen to me and care about me.”
“At first it was like weird but then it was like nice because I didn’t know people thought about me at all.”
“I feel all the feels! Like you guys actually like me!”
“I don’t always feel very special but this made me feel like I am.”
Some students took a moment to say kind things to me, too.
“You’re a great teacher.”
“You’re my favorite.”
“I used to hate Language Arts but you make it fun.”
“I like your personality.”
I laminated my stickies. One girl made hers into a crown and wore it down the hall. Others taped them to their binders. Some stuck them on their shirts so everyone could see how special they were. A few threw theirs away. But each student left that day knowing that their peers appreciated them on some level. They spent the majority of class that day being kind. And it was fun.
Changing the climate of a school doesn’t happen with one anti-bullying assembly or once a month activities. It requires setting high expectations that are constantly being enforced and reinforced by students and staff. This is hard to do. Teachers are already bogged down with so many things that MUST be done, anti-bullying initiatives become just “one more thing” administration wants us to do. Generally, because they are often not implemented well but simply done as a check in the box, anti-bullying programs exist in isolation and don’t carry lasting effects. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t keep trying or that the present efforts are without their merit. Furthermore, there is a lot to be said for what students are taught at home and the values that our culture perpetuates. Nevertheless, we are trying, each in our own way, to make kindness a mainstay in our schools. For my students, kindness won the first round in this fight.